Tuesday, March 24, 2020


It's been a strange week for everyone. As you can see from the above video, I indulged myself in a little entertainment to while away an hour or so. Aunt Martha is definitely out of the closet. And to cap it all she got an airing on BBC Radio Sheffield's Upload programme last Thursday night in the form of Aunt Martha's Lenten Quest.

Aunt Martha’s Lenten Quest 

Aunt Martha listened to Reverend Jon,
His sermon was all about Lent,
How you should give up something or other,
She thought she knew just what he meant.

She decided a just deprivation,
Would be bread, cakes, biscuits and scones,
And the money sh’d save in the process,
She’d donate towards the church funds.

That Sunday Aunt Martha invited us
Round - Aunt Polly, my mum and me -
To discuss what sacrifice we could make.
And of course, stay for Sunday tea.

I liked having tea at Aunt Martha’s house,
She always put on a fare spread,
So imagine the face I had on me,
To be given boiled ham but no bread!

I’d have brought you a loaf, said Aunt Polly,
If you’d let me know you were short,
‘I’m not short,’ said Aunt Martha, ‘abstaining,’
‘cos we’ve got a church to support.

She rattled a tin and put it beside
The ham, ‘there, that’s a start,’ she said,
That’s money I would’ve spent on a loaf,
Now it’s going to t’ church instead.

The next forty days proved disastrous,
As we gave up all we liked best,
Even mum got a little bit thinner,
In aide of Aunt Martha’s quest.

Aunt Polly saw Uncle Stanley in town,
He was outside Jo’s Caf. in Brook street,
‘Our Martha’s carrying this thing too far,
Half rations, it’s not flippin’ reet.

A man could starve wi’out biscuits and cakes,
She’s taken all t’ joy out o’ living,
All she does is rattle her blessed tin,
She insists, ‘All the joy’s in the givin’.’

‘There’s nowt in me packing but fruit,’ he moaned,
‘My tum’s getting thinner and thinner,
I’d love some roast beef and Yorkshire pud.,
I’m off into Jo’s for my dinner.’

After a week he was moping about,
He could hardly keep up his head,
‘Martha, I’m feeling reet hungry,’ he begged,
‘Please, gi’ us a slice o’ bread.’

Aunt Martha was shocked, but quite resolute,
Uncle Stanley’s request was ignored,
‘No,’ she said firmly, ‘it’s LENT, do wi’out,
And put all your faith in the Lord.’

The days went by, Uncle Stanley fell ill,
He took to his bed, moribund,
‘Tha ’s purged me soul lass, I’m off to my grave,
Here’s two and six for the fund.’

Well of course, Uncle Stanley didn’t die,
Easter Sunday brought out the best;
Aunt Martha was over the moon with joy
At her successful Lenten quest:

She took the money to Mr McGoo,
Who entered it into accruals,
Uncle Stanley had suffered for twenty-two pounds,
It went for repairs and renewals.

I suppose it's a silly question to ask what you have given up for Lent, as the population of Britain is in the process of giving up so much to try to combat this horrendous virus. It makes the little things seem pathetically insignificant, as we are all concentrating so hard on our survival. I'm not going to say anything else about this because I'm sure your up to your overgrown fringe with the gory details of Covid 19.

Let's be positive! I am getting creative in the kitchen to help eke out the food, and David has turned into a carpenter, and has built a little greenhouse out of some old windows. Life at home is quite enjoyable really. No rushing about to catch buses, no worrying we might be having visitors and the living room hasn't been polished for a week, no work, it's like being on holiday - well not quite.

As for exercise, we are sorted - the exercise bike is out of the shed.

And we've got our own coffee shop, well, maybe not always coffee.

No Stress!

I likes my cider!

So, week one of isolation was not too bad for us, and I hope it wasn't too bad for you either. Keep safe dear reader, wherever you are. The next few weeks are not going to be easy for anyone, we are all in this together, let's send this virus packing. Stay at home, and if you have to go out stay at least 2 meters (6ft) away from the next person. Here's a virtual hug, and if you are a key worker, here's an extra special hug and a big thank you for being on the front line.

I'll be back next week, God willing.

Lots of love to all,
Jane x

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