Sunday, September 29, 2019

The Bake Off That Was A Right Off!

...And right off it was! I thought I'd experiment with coconut flour, and whatever else I could find in the kitchen - butter, sugar, chocolate chips, almond milk. What could possibly go wrong? The worse that could happen would be rock buns, or some sort of scones, or even a crumble topping. But no. Whatever it was that came out of the oven, it was certainly not in any way edible. Yet another Birdwell bake off failure. I don't know why I bother. It's a good job there's and Aldi supermarket nearby, with Belgian Chocolate Pudding. And that is my cue for a poem I wrote this week. It's a bit of erotic for a rainy day.

I'm telling you now, when you get to my age, and energy levels are low, and libido is on the wane, and it's raining, there's nothing quite like Aldi's Hot, Dark Belgian Chocolate Pudding:

Hot Dark Chocolate Pudding

Sex - It's an amazing, erotic thing,
But, when there's a choice of Hot Chocolate Pudding,
At the mere mention of Aldi's Dark Belgian
All reason's abandoned, there is no contention.
Why go for sweaty bedroom gymnastics?
Heaving and humping, leathers and plastics,
When you can have such an indulgent treat,
Hot Chocolate Pudding, there's nothing can beat
That magic flow of melted, molten ooze,
That coats the tongue, that dark exotic fuse,
That lights excitement; makes your nipples zing,
It's truly orgasmic, the yang and the yin,
Fill up your trolley with Mango Sorbet,
I'm telling you now, there's no other way,
Smother it over your Hot Belgian Pudding,
Bittersweet purée sieved through a stocking
Gives that touch of naughty domination,
Add some whipped cream for decoration.
Hot Chocolate Pudding with Mango Sorbet,
I'm telling you now, there's no other way.

And here is the disaster that was supposed to be an afternoon tea delight:

Straight into the bin! Yuk! Disgusting!

So, I'm not applying for the Great British Bake Off this year! But I am improving my cello playing, and I am busy with book promotion - Higgs Bottom. And I am putting a small poetry collection together, so never mind about my non culinary skills.

Here is a date for your diary, 27 October, at the Brew and Tap, in Hoyland where I shall be hosting a little do in aid of launching the book. Of course you are all invited - watch this space for details of timings etc a bit nearer the time.

Now, it's Sunday lunchtime in the Sharp house, coming up 2 p.m. so I'll say ta ta for now. It's raining in Birdwell, not at all clement, and we have the central heating on. Goodness! Winter is on the way. Still I can make soup, in fact I'm pretty good at that, there is always a bright side to things. Now, what shall it be, Heinz Tomato...

Have a lovely Sunday, dear reader, and a productive week. I'll be back next Sunday with an update of my week, let's hope there are exciting things to report.

Love and hugs,
Jane x

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