Saturday, November 25, 2017

I Keep Boris Johnson in the Fridge, and other new poems.

Today I've been to the Poetry Society Stanza meeting in Sheffield. It is held in the Library, and we get together with other poets to put our work forward for comment, and possible improvement. As there is a Harry Potter exhibition on at the moment, we were asked to contribute something on that theme. This is my effort, if you pass by the Library pop in, you may see my poem on display. Obviously, it is written from the point of view of a man. It's not all about me, you know. 

She Put A Spell On Me - Jane Sharp

The minute I saw the black cat, I knew.
I didn’t want to let on I’d clocked it,
so I feigned coolness, talked about the weather,
strange words tripped off my tongue.
latine loqui coactus sum.
The cat grew monkey bits,
a probiscus nose – Nasal Larvatus,
a long tail – Macaca Fascicularis,
and it’s claws began to morph into fingers.
I turned the conversation to philosophy,
‘You strike me as a very deep person’ I said.
Apparet te habere ingenium profundum.
I knew I was talking her language. And I could.
It didn’t go down well. The cat arched its back
like a medieval bridge, the Pont de Diavolo, hissed,
in cantatorum tuorum vehementem. Spells.
She must have sensed my fear, my battle with reality,
but she ignored it, handed me another cocktail,
saying, ‘Drink this.’ I knew I shouldn’t have, but I did. 
When I looked again, the cat was a tiger.
Et vidi cum Tigride Catus.
O Harrius Potter, ubi eras quando opus vestrum?
(Where were you when I needed you?)

Last week David and I did an Owl Walk with Steven Ely (brilliant poet) round Elsecar. We had a guided tour of the Newcomen Beam Engine and a night walk around the village. I fancy my ancestors may have been looking on, as I can go back four generations in Elsecar with my Royston blood.
 The next day, taking advantage of the bright Autumn weather, we headed for Birdwell woods and Rockley Iron Works. The colours were wonderful. There were lots of  ambers, reds, crisp golden browns and marmalade tinted leaves to crunch underfoot. And we were able to hike up a good appetite for lunch at the Cock Inn, before going home.

I also attended a poetry workshop which was about political poetry and how nursery rhymes are often based on politics, e.g. The Grand Old Duke of York, or Humpty Dumpty. It was a good chance to get together with other poets from the area, and hear their work. These is my 'political' poems, just to show I wasn't idle at the workshop.

Once Defrosted Use Within 24 Hours -  Jane Sharp


I keep Boris Johnson in my freezer
just on the chance I need a blond geezer
who, like a packet of deep frozen peas
survives quite well at minus two degrees

It’s a wibbly, wobbly packet, but then
he’s noted for being one of those men
who can be shaky, in fact, unstable
sure enough when defrosted he’s able

to cause chaos, mayhem, turmoil, it’s like
watching a whirlwind whip snow off a pike
Sometimes, however he’s just the right bloke
to serve at a party, crack a good joke


I keep Boris Johnson in my freezer,
along with Chris Grayling, and Theresa.
They came in a packet of frozen MPs
I bought, to de-swell my arthritic knees.

Some say, deep-frozen are better than fresh,
and, if you can find them, back-benchers are best,
but even though my MPs ’re high profile
they’re about as sweet as a crocodile.

They’re a moribund bunch, a misshaped mix,
effective enough for a short sharp fix,
but I doubt even these stonyfaced MPs
will ever relieve my arthritic knees.

However, I’ll keep them in my freezer -
Bumbling Boris, Cross Chris and Theresa,
their packet is near to its sell by date,
and I’ll throw it out soon, at any rate.

Next time I’ll buy Birds Eye frozen peas,
go au naturelle, take vitamin Bs,
fill up the freezer with iced G & Ts,
and forget all about my arthritic knees.

Close Encounter at the Ritz – Jane Sharp

Mary Jane went to the Ritz
For supper with her daughter,
When old Wino showed his bits
She said: ‘you shouldn’t ‘ave aught – t’.
Wino! Wino! We know you,
We know what you are after,
Mend your ways you fat gnu
Or be prepared for slaughter.’

Well, I had lots of fun writing those. I hope you had fun reading them.

We are on the run up to Christmas, and I have written a little verse for my cards. All in all it has been quite a productive week. I'm going to relax now with a couple of episodes of Game of Thrones before bed-y-bies. 

I hope your weekend is going as week as mine, and that the sun shines on us all tomorrow.
Love and hugs,
Jane x

Tears From The Sun - The Story